Pre-marital pregnancy is an illegal act of getting pregnant before marriage. This comes into play when two individuals who are not married engage in premarital sex. This act has caused a lot of harm to our society, ranging from resultant population increase, high spread of STDs, high rate of abortion activities, etc.
I was made to believe as I was growing up that it is wrong for a young girl to give birth in her father’s house, but this very act is rarely seen as a bad thing in our present day generation. I have also observed that this act is more predominant in the rural areas. You can imagine when a young girl who still in Primary School or JSS gets pregnant. When this happens, most parents see this as a shameful act and a taint to their image and family names. They may send the girl to the house of whoever that got her pregnant. The victim may even be disowned by her parents, and the beautiful plans the parents have for such young girl would be terminated as they might be tempted to stop schooling or furthering their education even after putting to birth.
This act gives me a lot of concern because our youths are no longer conscious of the effects of sex before marriage. When I was a child, any lady that makes such mistake hides herself from the public until she delivers the baby and even thereafter, there is a sense of guilt she feels for disappointing her family. But now, people parade with pregnancies of a man that is not their husbands. Sometimes, I imagine how things changed this fast. In some areas, if you are yet to get pregnant, it seems you are a failure, or rather, you are not among. I have been to a part of the country where I saw young girls that one will even be afraid if they will be able to carry pregnancy, deliver two children and even carrying another one. I know of one woman with four kids who has no husband. She takes care of them. I learnt that it’s an achievement for a young lady in that place to have at least a child she calls her own. I also observed most of them end up not getting married. Their major concern is to have a man who is willing to provide their needs and of course, who they will be satisfying sexually and vice versa.
Where I come from, this act is on the increase as each day passes by; and that is why I have decided to bare my mind on the consequences of it.
Even though premarital pregnancy is wrong, the purpose of this write-up is not basically, to condemn the act in such a way a victim would feel that there’s no hope for her. I am rather writing to tell the world that even though you made a singular mistake, it is still not the end of the world. I called it singular mistake because, someone that has up to three or four children in her father’s house will not say it’s still a mistake. No. it is a calculated attempt. A “pluralized mistake” is no longer a mistake but an act you performed knowingly. Whatever the case may be, whether the mistake is once, twice, or more, it is still not the end of the world.
Dear young lady, because you gave birth while in your father’s house is not an excuse to settle for a man that is old enough to be your grandfather. Forget the second-hand talks. You are still young, brilliant, with a bright future ahead of you. Don’t tell me your reason for dropping out of school is because of the mistake you made, because if you do, I will have no option than to give you a double blame. Hold on. I will tell you what to do, in case you claim you don’t know. Try and deliver that baby in good health. Ask God to forgive you for disappointing Him and your family. Ask Him to take the guilt away from you. Determine to change from your old ways and in case you are finding it difficult, do not worry for God will help change you, if you let Him. Ask for the forgiveness of your parents. They love you and I’m sure God will touch their hearts to forgive you and take you back again. Assure them you won’t disappoint them again. Tell them you want to further your education. My dear, continue with your studies. Try and develop yourself and trust God, your prince charming will come at the right time.
Our problem is that we think that because we made a mistake, we can settle for the less. No matter what happens in your life, aim for the best and nothing but the best.
Pre-marital pregnancy has caused a lot of harm in our society. I have seen two individuals that cannot even feed themselves drop out of school and forced to build a family they are not prepared for. Listen again; that you got someone pregnant should not be the major reason for going into marriage with that person because many people have met their doom as a result. Don’t get me wrong. Hear me out first. We all have our dream partners. As a lady, you have always had the picture of the kind of man you want to have as a husband in mind. The same is applicable to the men. And then, because of your lifestyle, you probably had a one night stand with this lady. Your reason for the act was probably to satisfy your immediate emotional need. Then one thing led to the other, and she became pregnant. Subsequently, you discovered that you don’t really love this lady and she’s not your dream woman. You guys are simply incompatible, but because she’s pregnant with your child, you have to get married to her.
My dear, I think this method of getting married is totally wrong. Do you think there will be peace and joy in such marriage? Are you ready to keep blaming yourself for the wrong choice you made, for the rest of your life? Think about it.
In my opinion, I feel it will be better the man takes responsibility of the pregnancy by providing for the woman and makes sure she lacks nothing, at least, till she delivers. He should also be ready to take care of the child as he continues to grow. That’s his punishment for the act. But then, two of them can live their separate lives. If they must get married, it should be for the right reason. They must be sure they want to go into marriage together, prepared and not because an event forced them to (and this should be done when they are of marriage age). That way, they can spare themselves of the future stress and harm.
I know of someone who jumps from one relationship to another. Not that he’s not of marriage age, but behaviorally, he wasn’t ready for marriage. He wanted to enjoy the excitement of his youthful age. He met another lady and mistakenly got her pregnant few months after they met. Then they had to plan an unexpected wedding. They eventually got married so that the world will not notice the pregnancy. The announcement was made to the whole world that he’s officially married to the queen of his heart. But he’s not happy in that marriage. If only he could have his way, he would have divorced her within few months of marriage, but looking around, he has a child with the woman and he can’t simply abandon him. He is bitter and unfulfilled.
The above example is what going into marriage unprepared can cause someone. But the friend I told you of, will have to put his buttocks at a place and work on his marriage. He has to try and make it work because both have been joined at the Altar of God.
Dear lady, you are beautiful, strong and intelligent. You are the best and looking around me, I can’t see anyone like you. Don’t let anybody tell you that you don’t deserve the best. Don’t mess yourself the more after the first mess. Rise up! Clean up!! Look yourself in the mirror and be convinced of the beauty you see. Then go and take what rightfully belongs to you. You are more than what the devil said you are. Remember he’s a liar and won’t rest until he destroys you. Destruction is his identity. Believe what God says you are and always hide in his loving and comforting arms. Take up the challenge and make the world proud again. You are a light that needs to shine out to enable the world see. You are unique! You are the best!! God bless you!!!
© IGWE CHINENYE MARY, 2019
